Reflections for 2021 and beyond

2021 has been a year, and just like everyone else, it came with its highs and lows. Honestly, since the onset of the pandemic, I stopped counting the days and have tried to live in the moment. Without any doubt, I mean to myself that 2021 was the year that stretched me. However, I am filled with gratitude for the learning curves, peace, and contentment it brought.

I started the year taking a back seat on managerial positions, leading a nonprofit, socialising and being in too many bubbles. I felt the feeling of exclusion and FOMO because some of the jobs I took didn’t afford the luxury of time. I apologise if I didn’t show up enough for you as expected, So much growth was happening, and I didn’t know how to process my emotions. I lived the life I have always dreamt about yet felt empty laced with loneliness.

This year, I spoke to a ‘Therapist’. I broke the shame and stigma that comes with addressing traumas and healing. I realised I grew up in an environment where you have done enough if it was not 100%. From my childhood, it was hard being expressive or voicing out discomfort. I realised I had imposed very high expectations coupled with others and forgot to live and make mistakes.

In 2021, I struggled academically. The UK education system is way different, and unlearning the imprints of the Nigerian educational landscape was challenging. My first grades made me denounce my accomplishments; I felt like a fraud, like I didn’t deserve to be in the room, faking my realities and lacking what it took to be in a masters program. At times, I found myself running from reading, writing, or coming up with arguments. I felt judged by my grades; I felt unworthy and wondered what people would think of me if they saw my grades.

One thing I loved about the assessments was feedback. Assessors would point out areas to improve on. Some of them include but are not limited to referencing, developing arguments, proofreading, paraphrasing and plagiarism. With the zeal to do better and embrace the shame, I developed the courage to ask for help from course advisors, professors, and community friends. They shared some of their experiences and resources for getting ahead. Today, I have officially graduated with prospects for consultancy on some of the projects I had the opportunity to work on. Despite having a challenging academic, I am grateful to have won the Spirit of Sussex Award Gold Award. In the words of the Award committee “we have been delighted to see such a high-level of engagement with extra-curricular activities and a commitment to upskilling in your personal and professional development. This has been a challenging year, with many extra-curricular and voluntary experiences moved online, however, you have shown exceptional resilience and passion for enriching your student experience”.

In 2021, I got the opportunity to be part of networks and platforms I once dreamed about. Some of which include The World Bank Youth Summit, United Nations Geneva Graduate Study Program, GlobalGiving, UNHCR Young Champion, to mention but a few. I made connections with some of the poverty subject matter experts and professionals I look up to. I had some public speaking engagements to share my journey in social entrepreneurship, capacity building, and young people’s role in social development. I volunteered with some charities in the UK, such as FareShare Sussex, British Heart Foundation, The Black and Ethnic Minority Partnership, Sussex Homeless Support, Volunteering Matters.

I am grateful for some of the young persons I supported during their graduate studies applications who now are studying at different intuitions across the world. I am thankful for the recommendation letters written for young people in getting ahead. I am grateful for pouring my heart into the community and showing up even in challenging times. I am thankful for the mentors and community who continually remind me to do better by backing it up with their support. I am grateful for friends who held me by my hands when it was tricky, tremendous and sometimes unexplainable. Thank you so much for loving me, guiding and offering a hand even when inconvenient.

At this juncture, I would like to highlight some of my biggest lessons;

1. I have learned that people are willing to pay you for how much value you put on yourself. For example, I had a third-round job interview with a Global company in London, UK, and they asked about my salary expectations, and I said about £18,000 per annum. The interviewer asked again, “do you mean outside of tax or inclusive” I responded inclusive of tax. Feedback from the interview indicated the budgeted salary for the role was £45,000 and could go up after six months of review. I used my own hands to undervalue my worth and capacities to deliver the company’s expectations. You don’t want to show up in a room, allowing recruiters to doubt the experience you bring to the table. Again, people are willing to pay for your expertise; name your price.
2. It is important to tell your story. You never know who is listening, getting inspired, having downtime and need that encouragement. So much changed in one year; asides from being a part of the Chevening Alumni community, I appreciate my approach, experiences, and appreciation of life. Telling your story is not necessarily about your wins; it encompasses the challenges, motivations, processes, community, and accountability. Reflections are most potent when you can see the difference between Point A and Point B with or without seeing the need to take immediate action.
3. Capacity building and personal development will never go out of style. The world is evolving; there is a skew in work and virtual experiences methods. The way technology and humans interact is changing. As a young person looking to thrive, it is crucial to be at the top of your game, fight stagnancy, be flexible, and be open to new ideas. However, we must never lose sight of who we indeed are and the anticipated days of becoming.
4. It is essential to take care of your mental health. As young people, we are becoming more aware of the challenges we face, social injustices, stifling systems, the constant need to silence our voices and the threat to civic spaces. However, I recognise the continuous pressures of balancing work, pushing for equality, income expansion, maintaining relationships and existing in general. It does get overwhelming and discouraging. Additionally, I am learning that positive mental health should be a priority and cultivating safe spaces for healthy conversations, reflections, and meditations. I am learning to address past traumas, especially those I vowed never to process. I am learning to heal, speak up, and retreat when necessary. I am learning that to become a better version of myself above the expectations; we must learn to be less dismissive and address issues as they come. Again, ‘Charity begins at home’, prioritise your mental health.
5. We must learn to separate our humanness and our tasks as humans. For example, a lack of communication skills is not a total reflection of who you are as a person. I am learning to embrace my insecurities, humanity, flaws and shame. No one has it together, and we are all a work in progress. I cry sometimes, I get anxious, I am clueless sometimes, I make mistakes, I talk too loudly, I am overly happy, I smile too much in pictures, I don’t know how to be idle, I can be conservative, I struggle to open up, I am not great at communicating my feelings and much more.
6. I am choosing to focus on the things that can be changed while challenging the thoughts and possible reconciliations with those that cannot be changed.

As we advance, I want to share my processes, journey, reflections, anxieties, and vulnerabilities as much as I share the successes. I am taking up new challenges, living in the moment, cherishing and expanding on relationships. I look forward to creating more platforms where young people can thrive regardless of their socio-economic backgrounds.

I look forward to supporting more young people occupy leadership positions whilst breaking boundaries in personal and professional development.

Let us keep doing an honorary congratulations to you for 2021 and an exponential increase for 2022.

Joshua Okoduwa